What an exciting time to be alive, and what an exciting time to be filled with hope. It is so wonderful to see people from every walk of life come to together to say this is what we want, and we want to be heard. The voices of the people are coming across loud and clear. We don’t want to be handled any longer, we want to be to be heard, and we want to be included. We are not children; we are not without strength, and power of our own. This is a time for us to say no more manipulation, no more believing that we cannot think for our selves, and no more lies. We cannot wait for someone else to lead us; we are the ones who can make a difference in the world, and in our lives.

This is a time that is forcing us all look at the world, and ourselves a little differently. And to consider how we can make a difference for each other, rather than blaming, which has always been a very big part of our history in good times, and challenging times. The election of our first black president has captured the best of us, and the worst of us. Our fears and our hopes are full blown as the racism that is among us raises its head to destroy anything that confronts the established way of doing business in this country. There are many of us who are ready to believe the lies, and the fears that are built on a history of distrust, and difference about others who are different than ourselves.

Hate will not leave us unless we decide that it no longer belongs in the family of a compassionate society, and that it no longer becomes something that we teacher our children, and grandchildren. Hate is not respect are caring, it is contempt for the other, believing that we have the power to be in contempt of another. When will we learn that we are truly connected as spiritual beings, and that when we hurt others we also hurt ourselves, and those that we love.

We are in a time of crisis, we are in a time were there are those among us who are losing our homes, our jobs, our retirement, our health, and our health care. And in far too many cases we are helpless to stop what we have worked for from going down the drain. We are the ones who can save ourselves, and each other, and we must move toward learning how to reach out to each other in hope, love, and compassion. To create compassionate communities, and to create a compassionate world where we all outlook for each other, and it is not just every individual for themselves. I believe that this is possible, and I believe that we can heal as a country from our past, and our present challenges, and our inhumanity to each other. What we need is within us, and not outside of us.

The shift is happening, and we can be a part of it or we can resist it, and continue to blame, hate, take more than we need, or we can share, and believe that prosperity, and abundance is possible for all of us, not just some of us. This is the knowledge that will save all of us, and create compassionate communities, compassionate societies, and a compassionate world. I believe in our wholeness, our courage, and our strength as a people. I believe that we are all good enough to have what we need, and to share with others, and to help others get what they need to live abundant lives.

We are who we have been waiting for

You carried me in your arms, you held me close to your breast, and you knew what I would need to survive. You knew, as many before you knew, mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, that to be a woman or girl in this time would take confidence, courage, and hope. You knew nothing would be given to me, and I would have to find my way. You knew I would need your smell, your touch, your strength, your voice, and your look to keep me strong, because one day you would be gone, and I would have to remember.

Mom Two
Connie is the mother of my heart who took in an eighteen year old girl who had a smart mouth, but who was looking for something more to believe in. This eighteen year old left home, and ran into the arms of this women who was a daughter of the South, who was married to an Episcopal minister, and who had one son. This family became my second family, and I learned more about myself, and social justice from my Mom Two than maybe I really wanted to know, but it became an issue that I would be devoted to for the rest of my life. I realize more, and more as I grow older that it takes many people coming together to ensure a quality of life for each of us. If we don’t have others that are guiding, and pulling for us we are lost. I have had many people like Mom Two who have helped, and guided me in moments of heavy decisions, and confused moments that believed in me. Mom Two never gave up on me, and pushed me to be better than I believed that I could be. There were times when I was angry with her, but she never abandoned me, and in some moments she also pushed back.

You nurtured, and guided me through the self discovery years of my life. You gave me the tools to take risk, and to make decisions for myself. You encouraged me to find the answers to the questions that troubled me rather than to ignore them because of my fears. You encouraged me to embrace the world, and to know that you would be there when I returned home.

In relationships between father, mother, daughter, sister, and brother much goes unsaid, feelings not communicated, connections broken, and distance expanded, and we are left with the question, “ do they really love or care about me?” My brothers live their lives differently than my sisters, but I see us all attempting to create meaning in our lives. Sometimes the challenges are great, but I see us all believing in a strong today even though distance, and dialogue separate us.

I have said many times, I am not like my mother, but I discover everyday how much, I am like my mother, and I smile, because I know that I carry within me her story, my father’s story, my story, and also the stories of my sisters, and brothers, and they carry my story within them.

Growing up I rebelled against many things, and one of them was my mother. I did not understand her life or her needs until I became a wife, and mother myself. Then I could see her story, and her experiences very clearly. I don’t believe anyone in her life including herself ever thought about the pain or the joys of my mother’s life. I remember my mother talking about her hands how rough, and swollen they were from years of picking cotton in the south. I did not think much of it at the time, but I now realized how important the softness, and appearance of women’s hands are to us. My mother was attempting to share with me the lost softness, slenderness, and femininity of her hands from picking cotton, I did not get it at the time, but I get it now. I believe there was, a sense of loneliness, isolation, and loss my mother experienced that was very deep for her, and none of us could fill it even when we tried.

My sisters, brothers, and I miss the presence of our mother. I wish I had known how sick she was the last time I saw her, but I know that we can not predict these things. Our energy now goes toward creating the best memories we can with our father because one day he will also be gone, and we will have to remember. We don’t always realize the importance of family until we no longer have one, and the members that make up that family are gone. We cry at the endings for ourselves, and for the loss of a presence that was so much an important part of our lives.

My mother carried us in her arms. She held us close to their breast. She knew what we would need to survive. She knew as many before her knew, mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers that to be a woman or girl in this time would take confidence, courage, and hope in ourselves. She knew nothing would be given to us, and we would have to find our way. She knew we would need her smell, her touch, her strength, her voice, and her look to keep us strong, because one day she would be gone, and we would have to remember.

I am so grateful that both my mother , and my father were able to see all of their eleven children grow-up, and create lives for themselves, no matter how full or short their lives were. And how unprepared for life, and death we continue to be, and how disconnected from each other as siblings we will always be. Remembering only the pain, and loss, and forgetting the memories, the laugher, and the happy times as a family that connected us never to be spoken of again. My mother, and father live on in their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

I remember when my family met my husband for the first time it was as if we had step into a time warp, because although my family knew about this person I was dating they had not seen him. When they met him for the first time my brothers, and sisters stared at him. My parents were warm, and welcoming, but not sure what to think about this man their daughter had brought to their home. My father, and mother quickly fell in love with him, and could see who he was beyond the color of his white skin. He was a person who was kind, gentle, respectful, and unassuming, with a willingness to be open, and to learn about this family. Our relationship was taking place during a time when it was against the law to marry outside your race. As a country we continue our attempts to legislate who someone can love, and marry.

My husband and I have watched our sons, and their families grow, and build lives for themselves where they seek the best of themselves. My husband, and I know that the circle of life continues in its many multiracial forms. And that one day my husband and I will be gone, and they will remember.

When women have no need to control situations, persons or outcomes,and are willing to be wrong, and to ask questions this is an ally.

When women are open to learning from a variety of situations, both comfortable,and uncomfortable
this is an ally.

When women are open to hearing, and feeling the pain of another without needing to understand it, fix-it or defend against it this is an ally.

When women are not adversarial, and understand how privilege, unequal access,and lack of protections impact all our lives
this is an ally.

When women support, respect, and encourage expressions of individual traditions, histories, struggles,and accomplishments
this is an ally.

When women each day go into the world with words that nourish, heal, sooth, restore, rejuvenate, and are loving
this is an ally.

When we open our hearts to opportunities, and possibilities
for ourselves, and others this is an ally.

The essence of who we are resides within us:
When women’s tears were used for healing
When women’s good-byes were from the heart
When women’s sadness was a time for openings, beginnings, and endings
When women’s intuitive powers were valued, and sought after
When women were the warriors, and the peace makers
When processes slow, and fast were honored
The drums are calling for us to return to the heart by remembering the well, and the healing waters within.

Honoring what we take in, what we give out, and what we feed ourselves will determine the quality of what we give to others. The questions we ask ourselves will determine the questions we ask others, and how we allow others to enter our lives, and we theirs.

When we drink from the source within us we learn to carry more positive intentions, actions, energy, breaths, and thoughts about ourselves, and others that don’t come from a place of fear, and hate:

When we drink from the source within us we learn to ask ourselves insightful questions:
What is missing in my relationship with self , and why?
What is missing in my relationships with women, and why?
What value do I have as a woman, and why ?
What fears do I have around other women?
What is my greatest need as a woman?
What do I want women to know about me?
How would I like other women to connect with me?
How would I like men to connect with me?

How do we find common ground?
We find common ground by exploring our commonalties, and our differences.
We find common ground by discovering what connects us, and using this to build on what separates us.
We can find common ground by actively looking at what needs to be increased or decreased in our relationships with each other in order to bring about; individual, social, and political change in our lives, communities, workplaces, organizations, and corporations.

Why must women explore our commonalities, and our differences:
Because, before women can find common ground from, which to explore our commonalties, and differences, and what needs to be increase or decrease in our relationships. We must look at how our strongest insecurities, and fears that keep us from being totally who we are; not standing up for ourselves on issues that are important to us, and not standing up for others on issues that are important to them, and allowing our fears, and prejudices to erode our courage in uncomfortable situations.

As a Therapist who happens to be a woman of color, and also a social activist who interfaces with clients in my professional life. I am always amazed at how much clients who may be experiencing very severe difficulties can still go to the place of race. They either bring some fragment of black history into the therapy session to ease into comfort for themselves, or they never return to sessions.

I have also been blamed by clients for their not returning, as well as by my employer for the client leaving. I have to also admit that there are many client’s who have stayed in therapy with me, and have gained benefits, and knowledge for themselves through working with me, as well as I have by working with them. There was a time when I would ask clients if they would have any difficulty working with a black therapist, but I have discontinued this practice. I know that there are white therapists who don’t ask or assume that a client of color would have difficulty working with them, and therefore never ask this question.

In many places where I have worked the concept of Diversity, and Cultural Competency are expounded, but racism continues to rear its head unnoticed, and in many cases noticed, but not addressed. In some places of employment I have made decisions to stay to myself, and not share personal or professional feelings or thoughts with others, because I believed that it was safer. Many times I find myself feeling out of step with those that I work with due to this belief, but I attempt to keep an open heart in the process by not allowing my concerns, and emotions to take over. I find that I am better at this than other times.

When the woman, and social activist parts of me begins to surface the social justice juices rage within me, but I know that in order to be heard I must pick, and choose my words carefully, or I will be labeled an angry black woman, a bitch, a trouble maker, or insubordinate. The expectation is that I am to grin, and bare it, or find another position. The woman of color part of me feels invisible to clients, and to the place where I am employed.

I realize that sometimes being a woman of color means with standing criticism, and being able to see what others may not see or feel, but continuing to stand with dignity, even though there are moments when I fall. This also means having the ability to do what ever job I am doing with integrity, and not become the victim or victimizer; this I believe is my contribution to myself, and to my clients.

I keep this motto at the forefront of my thinking whether I am in a therapy session with a client or interacting with others on various levels of my everyday living. The only difficulty about this motto, is that I expect this of others also, which is not realistic. Understanding myself, and doing my best is what I have control over, and this is my grace, and strength not anyone or anything outside myself.

Inspiration – To live a fulfilling life, and to share this with others without conditions, assumption or expectations

As a woman, how do I foster hate within myself that is destructive to my coming together with other women on social, and political issues?

As a woman, how do I deal with issues of difference, such as race, age, sexual orientation, gender, sexism, religion, disability, language, class, immigration, and ethnicity?

Do I encourage women to celebrate their culture, traditions, and ethnicity or do I encourage women to hide these parts of themselves?

How do I perpetuate images of fear, and hate that I see in society today?

As women, what can we learn about the history of hate that will help us to be more sensitive, and healing in our interactions?

How can I use dignity, respect, and sensitivity in working with other women?

Do I clearly look at the issues that face all women, myself, and women who are not like myself?

How does privilege, skin color, beauty, sex, value, sexual orientation, ways of speaking, disabilities, age, culture, language, body image, class, religion, gender, sexism, and how society views women play out in our relationships?

How can women be allies for each other if we do not understand each other.

Do my words, and actions bring peace, and comfort to myself, and others or do they bring gossip, pain, and confusion?

As women are we open to learning that our experiences are not always in black or white, but are also many shades of gray?

What does our behavior as adults teach our children about how to treat others, as well as honor themselves?

How does gossip, collusion, manipulation, competition, and self destructive expressions destroy us?

How do I deal with issues of violence, abuse, and hate?

How do I deal with issues of difference?

How do I perpetuate violence, abuse, and hate?

How do I address destructive thoughts that sabotage my coming together with other women on economic, social, and political issues?

Do I encourage women to celebrate their truth, culture, traditions, and ethnicity or do I encourage women to hide these parts of themselves?

What can we learn about the history of violence, and hate that will help us to be more sensitive, and life affirming in our interactions?

Our challenge is to become more compassionate individuals, and to also become more compassionate
women, and girls.

We can all drink from the well, and partake of the nourishment which the water gives. There is no need to have those who can drink, and those who must stand by, and look on with an unquenched thirst. Change comes when we are willing to look within ourselves, and ask the tough questions like the ones above, and not abandon or lie to ourselves in the process. We can change, and we can improve, it begins with you, and it begins me.

History is filled with many examples of our inhumanity to each other, where our actions of hate, and violence that have caused pain, and death to others, and subsequently, to ourselves. But in many instances it is not just other countries acting inhumanely America perpetuates hate, and violence, as well, and it is important that we understand this concept.

In America there are many instances of our inhumanity, and it is not just men acting inhumanely, women are perpetuating hate, and violence, as well. This is evident today when women, and girls of color are invited to join groups, organizations, and movements that state that they are for equal rights for women, and girls, but effectively silence women, and girls of color when concerns of racism, and sexism are brought to the table.

Women, and girls of color must have confidence in our abilities, and actions in order to positively impact our lives. This means addressing, and empowering the personal, interpersonal, and political parts of our lives. It also means taking stands that may not be popular, expressing our anger without apology, being willing to speak our truth to power, being willing to be vulnerable, and being willing to be courageous in the face of adversity. I have many times sat in board rooms, conference rooms, classrooms, and living rooms as a black woman, and watched how words can impact a situation, influencing assumptions, intentions, and actions. Where silence sometimes means agreement, and where in some cases you stand alone, but still must speak truth to power, and in many of these situations it’s speaking truth to women who hold the power.

In America too many of us have died with unanswered dreams of a better tomorrow, a tomorrow in which economic, political, and social freedoms for all are realized.  Many of us have attempted to embrace the American Dream, but in the process we have given up our identity, and subsequently our souls, because we believed this was required to belong, to be an American.  Little did we know that much, much more would be required of us, and the American Dream would continue to elude us. There are those among us who believe that they get to choose who’s American, who’s Patriotic, and who’s The Enemy. Liberty, and freedom was denied to many of us, and it took many who sacrificed to gain liberty, and freedom for us all.

In our history of the past, and present we have chosen to forget the stories of those who struggled for acceptance in the face of fear, terror, and death. This struggle continues today with individual, and group hate. We must not forget that before the 9/11 tragedy mass numbers of people were killed, and slaughtered on American soil, and this was done by Americans. Is it possible that America could be called a terrorist country?  I believe that arrogance, ignorance, and privilege can leave us all blind to the pain we inflict on ourselves, and others.
I believe that we can not survive as a people or country if we believe that we are separate from each other. Where certain segments of our population believe that they hold the moral compass for all of us, and practice exclusion, fear, and hate of others. Where war, and death are not seen as racist acts of supremacy in which we are all fatally wounded. Where we are seen as the liberators of an oppressed people forgetting that we have many times in our history been the oppressors. These facts continue to be very evident today, and women, and girls of color must remember, and bear witness to what is truth, or we too become part of the problem.

We are a country that kills our leaders, and enslaves our people, while professing freedom, and liberty. We continue to feed hatred that is called many names by many people. It is time that we as a country turn the spotlight on ourselves, and examine what is killing us. I have heard it said many times that we as a people have come a long way, but still have a long way to go. The reality of this statement will not change unless we as women, and girls, and as women, and girls of color make it our priority to change it. We are the remedy, and we are the ones who must stand, and say that it is not acceptable to advocate for the destruction of any people any where. Flags, and exhibits of patriotism are only words, and symbols when it is people who bring these words, and symbols to life, and give them meaning. What will be the meaning.

The events that make up our history reminds us of our inhumane past of slavery, torture, lynching, and segregation. These are elements of our history where our inhumanity to each other was very public, and accepted. The Holocaust for example is evidence of how one man’s misguided thoughts killed many innocent people. The Native American, and their lands were virtually taken over because they were wanted for settlements, and the placing of Japanese Americans in interment camps must never be forgot. All of these events have components of hate, and betrayal imbedded within them, and continues today in different forms, and expressions. We forget the impact that the loss of lives have on families, friends, and communities. These are but a few of the many events in our history that reflect back to us our negative, and positive past, and present. As a country we continue to have much to learn about each other, even though some of us see ourselves as a freedom loving, and a god fearing country. But some of us also know that we as a country cannot always be trusted just like any other country. Therefore we cannot lose sight of the positives, and negatives of our country or we lose sight about how to heal our country, and ourselves.

It is important that we as people remember that the events of our history were not accomplished by one person or one group. It took people from many walks of life to build, and to create what we now call America. We all came from different parts of the world bringing with us our talents, and gifts that have created a diverse population that will enrich the tapestry of the American landscape for generations to come. Freedom was something that many had to fight for in America, and continue to do so today. Many died with the hope that life would be better for others. America is a great country because of the diverse contributions, and the struggles that continue today, not because we believe we have conquered our destructive behavior. With the focus on immigration the dialogue is who gets to decide who belongs in America, and who does not.

What our children learn from these images of who belongs, and who does not is, that it is better to be someone other than themselves. I believe that every child must be a wanted child, and we as a country must make sure that children see themselves with potential. It is also important that every child knows that it is ok to be who they are, and not yearn to be someone else in order to have their potential recognized. For many children, and their families poverty, and education continue to be obstacles to the American dream in America, as well as in other countries. Hate continues to rear its destructive hand in America, as well as in other countries. Somehow in American because we are Americans we want to believe that we have conquered our many problems. But what we don’t understand is that parts of our population continue to experience disparities which are not discussed in the mainstream media, and people continue to suffer, sometimes in silence.

Remembering the positives, and the negatives of our history can help us as a country to be better citizens in word, and deed if we truly want to be better citizens. The idea is a more compassionate society using the richness of our differences, and the power of our commonalties in removing the barriers that separate us economically, culturally, and racially. Issues, such as gender, age, race, language, country, sexual orientation, disability, and others should not be barriers in us coming together as people. Yes, we have elected a black president, but our work is not over, and the disparities still remain. What will be our next step, will we complain about what is not being done or will we step up, and say that I am here to take responsibility to help make this country truly a democracy for all.

Compassion
My message is
That through openings, and beginnings we can begin to touch life, and all its wonders. I ask that you not be afraid to open with me, and to embrace your expansion. I share with you the water, which is my element,the autumn, which is my season, the sticks, and stones,which are my instruments,my message is about opening to new worlds,new experiences, and new possibilities my silence, our silence is about listening to nature, and to each other,through this listening we come to understand each other.We learn that when we are in our wisdom we can be open to compassionate outcomes for each other, and the actions we take on behalf of each other have positive intentions, because we approach them from an open, and wise heart.

Power
My message is
That behind all life there is death, and behind all death there is life.
I ask that you not be afraid to dance with me, and to embrace your fears. I share with you the air, which is my element,the winter, which is my season, the rattle, which is my instrument,
my message is about healing our fears, my dance, our dance is about our interactions together,
through birth, death, and life we come to understand each other.
We learn to be in our power, and not our fears.We learn to take actions that are healing for ourselves,and each other from a place of softness.

Love
My message is
That through growth, and rebirth we learn, and expand who we are, and who we can become.
I ask that you not be afraid to move with me into the unknown.
I share with you the earth, which is my element,the spring, which is my season, the drum, which is my instrument,my message is about experiencing, and joining in love
my story, our story is about paying attention, listening, and
experiencing together, through sharing our stories we come to understand each other,and are moved to places that we have never been before.We learn to take actions from a place of heart, love, and wisdom.

Nourishment
My message is
That in order to sustain life it must be fed, and nurtured. I ask that you not be afraid to eat with me, and nourish your body, soul, and spirit.I share with you the fire, which is my element,the summer, which is my season, the bell, which is my instrument,
my message is about nourishing yourselves, and others, my song, our song is about walking healthy paths, and carrying healthy visions of each other.We learn that the truth lies within you, and me, and the actions that we take from this truth will depend on how well we have nourished ourselves.